


Everything's Changed and Nothing's The Same

by drabble_drabbles_everywhere



Series: Tumblr Pormpts [23]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, I don't even know what to tag this, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Vampire Sirius Black, breaking up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 20:13:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17628908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabble_drabbles_everywhere/pseuds/drabble_drabbles_everywhere
Summary: Sirius made a stupid mistake, and now everything is changing and he'll have to give up his sweet wolf to keep him safe. Even if it means losing the only one he's loved.





	Everything's Changed and Nothing's The Same

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this, but I haven't decided yet. But damn did this break my heart to write. It started out happy, but I had to re-look at the request and realized it was supposed to be angst, so yeah, you're welcome.

Sirius realized his mistake too late. He was always reckless and irresponsible, but this was just pure stupidity. He stumbled over his feet, a hand clutched to the spot where his shoulder and neck met. His vision was blurry and he could barely form a coherent thought. The only thing that ran through his mind was home and Remus. All he knew was that both of those things were safe and if he could just find them then he knew than he would be okay. Dammit, he should’ve known better than piss off the Dark Lord like that, but what else was he supposed to do? Stay quiet and let that mad man mark him? Well he hadn’t kept quiet and yet he still had the mark of a mad man. Only this one was more dangerous for those around him.

He had been out late looking for a ring for Remus. He was going to propose during winter holiday when most students would be at home for Christmas. He still had a few weeks to find one, but he had hoped to get it done today, but he should’ve known better than to stay out this late when Voldemort had all kinds of people at his disposal. Which included vampires apparently. Sirius gritted his teeth as another wave of nausea and pain racked through his body. Sirius stumbled, this time falling to his knees. Sirius groaned, slumping forward. He was so stupid, he should have left earlier, when it was still bright out and there would have been no way for him to have gotten bitten. But he hadn’t and no he was likely to die alone on the street. Sirius grabbed his wand and with the last bit of energy, casted a patronus, sending it to Remus’ house.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

Remus nearly jumped out of his skin as Sirius’ wolf Patronus came through the window. Remus was flying out the door after hearing the message, apperating as soon as his feet hit the cement walkway. He didn’t know what was going on. All it had said was that Sirius was hurt, on the verge of blacking out, alone on some street. Thankfully it was late enough that most muggles would be asleep, though that didn’t include Remus’ family, the three of them had been awake waiting for Sirius to get home. His parents had started gathering anything they would need for any scenario that popped in their head as soon as Sirius’ patronus had appeared in their living room.

Remus reappeared on a deserted side street, seeing no one except for Sirius, slumped over, his hair curtaining his face as shallow breaths shuttered through his body. Remus rushed to his side, dropping to his knees and checking Sirius over, but something was making his skin crawl, as a sense of dread washing over his body, causing his wolf to mentally bare his fangs, but what was causing it he wasn’t sure.

“Siri? Sirius, what happened?” Remus asked, finding no sort of noticeable injury, until he tilted Sirius’ head up, his hair falling away as it did. His eyes were dark red and unfocused, barely registering that Remus was there. Remus couldn’t help it, he gasped and stumbled away from his mate. His stomach churned the longer he sat there, almost pinned to the spot by Sirius piercing stare, it was unfocused and glassy, but he knew Sirius could tell it was him.

“Re,” Sirius gasped, tears welling in his eyes, only they were red, blood instead of tears. The infection of a vampire was even harsher than that of a werewolf. While 50% of werewolves would die, it was even higher for vampires. Almost 80% of them wouldn’t make it through the process. Where a werewolf infection creates a second soul that merges with the first, a vampire infection splits the soul, leaving the person half dead. “I’m scared Remma,” Sirius whispered, as the blood tears began to fall and Sirius eyes grew dim and his breath shuttered, growing slower with each one. Remus swallowed thickly, pushing his own feelings of dread away as he wrapped Sirius in his arms, his own tears welling up as he apperated them back to his parents home, hearing nothing but Sirius ragged breaths slow until they were barely there.

“You’ll be fine Siri, I promise. I’ll be by your side no matter what. You’ll wake up, you’ll wake up,” Remus repeated, watching as Sirius eyes closed and his breaths completely stopped. He buried his face in Sirius neck, ignoring the shudder that went through his body, breathing in his mate’s scent. He wanted Sirius to pull through, needed him too. His wolf maybe in defense mode now, but once Sirius came to and his wolf realized that this was still his mate everything would be okay, he hoped. “Don’t die on me, please. I can’t live without you,” Remus sobbed, holding him closer.

Remus jumped as a hand gently squeezed his shoulder. He looked up to see his dad looking down at him, worry etched into his face. His dad didn’t know what to do, He was a muggle after all. He hadn’t even been aware of vampires until Remus had stormed in angrily a few weeks ago after a group of muggles was attacked by them.

“Come on Remmy, let’s get him onto the couch,” Hope whispered, gently taking Sirius from her son as Lyall helped him up on shaky legs. “He’ll be fine. He’s a strong boy, he’ll pull through,” Hope said, trying to reassure her son, but she herself didn’t believe a single word she was saying. Remus nodded mutely, helping his mom lay Sirius on the couch. He just stood there, staring at Sirius lifeless body, thinking about how peaceful he looked, as if he was just sleeping, only he couldn’t see his chest rising and falling in its usual pattern. He was pushed towards one of the chairs, but refused, choosing to sit on the arm rest above Sirius’s head, gently running his fingers through his inky black hair.

Remus wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but it was long after his parents went to bed and after James and Lily had finally been convinced that he’d tell them what happened after Sirius was feeling better. As far as they knew Sirius had just been attacked by one of Voldemort’s allies.

Before Remus knew it, the dim light of dawn was beginning to show through the curtains, slowly rising to shine light against the bleak darkness of the living room. The curtains were open just enough to let a sliver of light into the room, landing on Sirius’ exposed ankle, causing the still unconscious man to hiss and pull his leg away. Remus gasped, shooting up to fully close the curtains, his attention back on Sirius the moment it was closed. He was still passed out, but that was a good sign. He was alive, sort of, but the infection hadn’t killed him. Now it was just waiting for him to wake up.

“Thank Merlin,” Remus breathed crouching in front of Sirius’ face, pushing a few strands out of his face, which was now paler than usual. “I knew you’d be okay,” he whispered, cupping Sirius’ face, flinching at how cold he was. He sighed softly, resting his forehead on the edge of the couch. He skin still crawled at just being in the same room as he was, but being this close it made his stomach turn and shivers run down his spine, but he refused to leave, this was his mate and he wouldn’t abandon him, it would destroy them both, especially now that the bond had formed and now that Sirius was a creature himself, losing his mate would hurt him even more now than it would have when he was human.

Remus must’ve dozed off, because he was awoken by the sense of dread that had settled in the pit of his stomach doubling and every hair on his body standing on end. His head shot up, eyes instantly meeting Sirius’ as he stared down at him. Remus felt all the breath leave his body as his stared into those eyes, one still the same smoke grey, but the other was turning darker, more like the dark grey of a storm cloud, and it would likely only get darker, and soon the other would follow as well.

“S-Siri?” Remus whispered, afraid to break the silence that grew between them. A sick smirk slowly split Sirius lips, and in the flash of an eye Remus was on his back, his wrists pinned to the ground and his wand knocked away from him. Remus was frozen to the spot unable to move, despite being stronger than a newly turned vampire. Sirius leaned down, causing Remus to stiffen, thinking Sirius was going to bite him, but instead Sirius pushed his nose against his neck, breathing deeply.

“Fuck you smell good,” Sirius mumbled, pressing his lips to Remus’ neck, sucking gently, but careful of his newly enlarged canines. Remus melted at the contact, but his wolf remained on alert. It didn’t recognize that this creature was their mate. He was too different, even his scent had changed. Even though his wolf knew that Sirius recognized them, their scent was still the same, he didn’t trust him. All it took was one bite and Remus would die, the vampire infection would rip his soul apart and destroy them.

“I thought I lost you,” Remus replied, burying his face in Sirius’ neck, pushing back the growl that grew in his throat. This was his Sirius, even if the wolf wouldn’t accept it. “I thought that was the end. We were just getting our lives together, and then I thought you were gone,” Remus murmured, tears pricking the corner of his eyes.

“I’m here Remma, ‘M’ not going anywhere,” Sirius assured, pressing another kiss to Remus’ shoulder. “I love you Rem, more than you could ever know,” he promised, leaning his forehead against Remus’ shoulder, wrapping his arms around the sobbing boy beneath him.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

Unfortunately it took the rest of their break to find a way for Sirius to hide his condition and keep the students safe. For the first year or two a vampires smell was highly sensitive, and the smell of fresh blood was enough for Sirius to turn feral and attempt to attack anyone that wasn’t Remus. They had had to use every spell and ward they could to keep Sirius in the house, but also keep Remus’ parents safe. They had finally found that vapor rub worked wonders and would last for a few hours before they had to reapply it.

Now that they were headed back to school, both of them were a nervous wreck, afraid that the vapor rub wouldn’t work. Though Sirius was even more afraid of seeing James and Lily again. He didn't know how to tell them what happened, so naturally he hadn’t. They were worried about him, and owled him almost every day. He always assured them that he was fine and that he’d see them when school started again, but that he was just still unwell from the incident and that it was unwise for them to see him right now.

But now that they were on the train Sirius was on the verge of a panic attack, and only Remus’ hand clenched in his own freezing cold hand, kept him from jumping off the train and disappearing into the woods.

“It’ll be okay Si. They’ll love you know matter what. I’m sure of it,” Remus whispered, pressing his lips to Sirius’ temple. He had to fight back the shiver that tried to shoot through him. His wolf hadn’t accepted Sirius and it was starting to take its toll on him. His nerves were shot from constantly being on edge every time he was in the same room as Sirius, which was almost 24/7. “They’re your family as much as I am,” he reassured him, leaning his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

“I’m scared Remma. I know they love me but, I’m just so scared,” he whispered, running his thumb along the back of Remus’ knuckles. Remus wrapped his free arm around Sirius’ waist, hugging him to himself, trying to reassure him as best he could.

They sat like that for a while before James and Lily finally joined them, Peter was off with some girl he had been seeing at the end of their 6th year.

“Mate, you look like shite,” James said, frowning at how pale and sickly his brother looked. Sirius’ eyes were down cast, most of his face hidden by his hair. “Sirius, what’s going on?” James asked, his tone soft and concerned.

“I-I..I-I’m...fuck,” Sirius gasped, moving away from Remus, pressing himself into the corner of the seat, far away from all of them. “I know Remus told you I was attacked while I was out late, but h-he didn’t tell yo-you who.. what attacked me,” Sirius paused taking a shaky breath. He swallowed thickly before he slowly looked up at his friends, his family. There was a heartbeat of silence before both of them gasp, Lily’s hand coming to cover her mouth as tears sprung to his eyes. Remus had taken Sirius’ glamours off once they had been seated in their own compartment and knew that no one would bother them. “I-It was a vampire. I pissed off Voldemort, told him to get bent and then vanished, but as time went on and nothing happened, I let my guard down and stayed out way past sunset and well, I’m sure you can figure out the rest,” Sirius dropped his eyes to the floor, unable to look at them any longer. He didn’t want to see the disgust and fear the settled in their eyes. He didn’t want to watch his family turned their backs on him.

“It’s okay Siri. We’ll get through this. We won’t leave your side. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what blood is running through your veins. Well, whatever is running through your system,” Lily said, setting her hand on his knee, and flashing him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah mate, what Lily said,” James replied, though his smile didn’t reach his eyes like it used to. This one seemed a little forced and Sirius cringed at the sight. He knew what that look meant. It was on everyone's face whenever any dark creature was mentioned.

“Gee Prongs, what’s got you emotionally constipated?” Remus mumbled, too on edge to actually care that he was being rather rude. Though he had the right to be rude, James was looking at Sirius like how most people look at werewolves and it didn’t sit well with Remus.

Most of the train ride was a subdued affair, none of them quite sure what to say anymore. Peter had stopped in after they were about half way, but no one said anything, most of them ignoring that he was even there in the first place. Sirius was currently curled into Remus’ side, hiding his red rimmed eyes and puffy face.

James felt terrible that he was the causes of his best friends tears, but he was terrified. Of course he knew he was being a hypocrite, but this was different. Remus and Sirius’ situations were different. Remus was only affected for three days a month and after learning to be an animagus he wasn’t all that dangerous any more. But Sirius was different, he would constantly be a danger to everyone he was around and it made James uncomfortable.

As the train pulled to a stop Remus detangled himself form Sirius and redid the glamour charm, before pulling Sirius to his feet and ushering him out to go ahead of him and James with Lily. He wanted to talk to him alone, out of Sirius’ ear shot. He watched the two of them gather their things and even watched them leave the train before he turned back to James, glaring at the other boy.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Remus shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “I can’t believe you would look at him like that! You could see how scared he was to tell you, why do you think he didn’t want you to come see him?! He was terrified that you would reject him and you basically did!”

“How else was I supposed to react! Remus he’s a..”

“Don’t you fucking say it! He’s no more of one than I am! He’s learned to control it. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t be here. He’d still be at home. But he’s fine, as long as he continues to use the vapor rub he won’t have the urge to attack anyone,” Remus sighed, his nerves starting to settle with the space he was given. “We’ve stocked up on blood infused lollies, they’ll help a lot and as long as we can keep our stock up he’ll be fine. Besides, we have other arrangements if it gets too bad,” Remus mumbled, avoiding James’ eyes and the curious gleam in them. “Just stop looking at him likes he going to attack you every time he looks at you,” with that Remus turned, grabbing his own trunk and heading towards the castle. He hoped it wouldn’t come to them having to use their ‘other arrangements’. He was almost positive that it would make his wolf flare up and cause him to attack Sirius, but he wasn’t sure and he really didn’t want to take that chance.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

Sirius sighed as he walked Lily in complete silence. He knew James wasn’t going to comfortable around him for a while, if at all, and it just made everything worse. Especially since Remus was acting weird around him too. After the incident Remus would leave the house more often than he normally would and he seemed to try and be in a different room for as long as he could without making Sirius suspicious, but it was hard not to notice. Especially when he would wake up alone in the mornings and in the middle of the night. As if Remus only waited for him to fall asleep before he would leave the room and sleep somewhere else, somewhere away from him. It killed him to think about it. He knew that was just because of the infection that made it feel like he was dying just thinking about Remus’ feelings changing. He knew enough about dark creatures to know that when their mate rejected them it would destroy them, most of them unable to live without their mate, especially after their bond had been acknowledged and completed.

“What’s wrong Si?” Lily asked, gently grabbing his hand. She could see how everything was eating him up. The look James had sent him, the fear of rejection, the realization of how difficult everything was going to be, and something else.

“Noth..” Sirius stopped at the look she flashed him, there was no hiding things from her. She could read him as easily as a children’s book. Sighing he turned his head towards the sky, watching the stars twinkle to life as the sun faded behind them. “It’s Remus. He’s acting funny. He leaves the house more than normal, he can’t seem to stay in the same room with me for more than an hour, and he doesn’t sleep in the same room with me. He just waits till I’m asleep and then leaves. I don’t think he wants to be with me now,” Sirius whispered, dropping his head back down so his hair would curtain his face, hiding the pain and the fresh tears that were trying to escape.

“It’s hard on him Siri, not just that you had to go through this, but because the wolf is on edge,” Sirius looked at her frowning, confusion written in his eyes, Why would the wolf be on edge? Lily paused at Sirius’ look, realization dawned on her causing her eyes to widen. “You don’t know, do you? Sirius, you and Remus are enemies. A bite from you would kill him, literally. The infection would split his souls, destroying him in the process,” Lily whispered, watching as Sirius’ eyes widened, understanding filling them, until it was replaced with a type of sadness she had never seen from him before. Not even when he had been beaten half to death by his birth givers. Or when Remus had nearly pushed him out of his life for ‘the prank. Not even when his brother had yelled at him, called him a coward, and disowned him had he looked so sad. Sirius didn’t say anything to her as he took off, leaving his trunk behind and disappearing into the shadows that the school produced. She watched dumbfounded, unsure of what just happened.

(*)(*)(*)(*)

No one had seen Sirius since the train. He wasn’t in the Great Hall for dinner and the sorting and he wasn’t in Gryffindor tower when they went to unpack. Remus was getting worried. Lily had told him what they had been talking about before he ran off and his blood had run cold. He wasn’t planning on telling Sirius about that, he was hoping to look through the library and see if there was a way to get his wolf to accept Sirius, but now he wasn’t sure if it would help. He was terrified that Sirius was going to do something stupid now that he knew. So once the other boys were asleep, he took James’ cloak and the map and went to find Sirius. Turns out Sirius was in the astronomy tower, but he must’ve just moved there because they had checked there right after dinner.

When Remus entered the room Sirius’ back was to him and he was standing in front of the window, staring out at the moon. Remus froze in the doorway, dread filling his stomach like lead, but he forced himself forward until Sirius held his hand up, telling him to stop. He wasn’t even half way there.

“We can’t keep doing this Remus,” his voice was barely above a whisper. He kept his back to Remus refusing to look at the other boy, knowing full well that his resolve would break if he did.

“What are you talking about Sirius?” Remus asked, his heart plummeting, knowing full well what was about to happen.

“You know what I mean. Lily told me and then I looked up in the library. I understand why you haven’t been able to be around me and-and I can’t put you through that,” Sirius replied, trying to keep his emotions out of his voice, but he couldn’t stop how chocked up he sounded. “I love you Remma and I can’t put you through this,” he swallowed thickly, steadying his voice. “I-I asked to switch into another room. Know you can’t really stand to be near me for long, so it was the best I could do. Are classes are set in stone, so you’ll have to deal with me for those, but other than that you won’t have to be near me anymore,” Sirius let out a long breath, finally turning towards Remus, his heart clenching at the heart broken look on his face. He steadied his nerves as he walked towards him, pausing to press a light kiss to his forehead. “I love you, so much and I’m so sorry,” Sirius whispered before brushing past him, forcing himself to keep moving as he heard Remus break down, yelling for him to come back, pleading for him not to leave him. But Sirius kept walking, a lump in his throat, ice in his stomach, and a hole in his heart.

_It’s for the best, he’ll be okay. It’s for the best. He’ll get over it. It’s for the best._

Sirius just kept repeating that mantra to himself as he walked further and further away, headed to his new room, ignoring Lily and James who shot him confused and worried glances. He had to bite his lip to keep from saying something. Once he was in his new room he would break down, but he had to get there first. Once he was inside he locked the door, upping a silencing charm, before screaming out his own heart ache. Screaming about how unfair everything was, screaming out his own frustration as he started collapsing in on himself.


End file.
